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Marriage (Part 3)

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For a master copy of the outline and the other sermons in the series, click here: Marriage.

To listen to or watch the previous sermon in the series, click here: Part 2.

Marriage

I. A wife's (and all Christian women) adorning should not be focused on the outward such as plaiting (braiding) her hair, wearing jewelry, fine clothing, make-up, etc. (1Pe 3:3).
i. Women are supposed to be clothed in modest apparel (1Ti 2:9-10).
a. Modest - 3. Of women, their attributes and behaviour: Governed by the proprieties of the sex; decorous in manner and conduct; not forward, impudent, or lewd; ‘shamefast’. Hence (in later use also of men), scrupulously chaste in feeling, language, and conduct; shrinking from coarse or impure suggestion.
b. Of female attire: Decent, not meretricious.
b. Decent - 1. a. Becoming, suitable, appropriate, or proper to the circumstances or special requirements of the case; seemly, fitting.
c. Meretricious - 1. Of, pertaining to, characteristic of, or befitting a harlot; having the character of a harlot.
d. Harlots have a certain type of attire which is fitting to their profession (Pro 7:10).
e. Women shouldn't dress like harlots and wear clothes that show their breasts and thighs, or are so tight or fitted so as to have the same effect.
f. If you're not selling sex, then don't dress like it.
g. Men love to look at boobs -- so keep them covered up so as to not give them an occasion to sin.
ii. 1Pe 3:3 is not forbidding all hair styling, make-up, or jewelry, else it would be forbidding all putting on of apparel (personal outfit or attire).
iii. It is forbidding such things that create an outward appearance which is contrary to the inward appearance of a meek and quiet spirit with which a Christian woman is supposed to be adorned (1Pe 3:4).
a. Meek - adj. 1. a. Gentle, courteous, kind. Of a superior: Merciful, compassionate, indulgent. b. As connoting a Christian virtue: Free from haughtiness and self-will; piously humble and submissive; patient and unresentful under injury and reproach. c. Submissive, humble. In unfavourable sense: Inclined to submit tamely to oppression or injury, easily ‘put upon’;
b. Quiet - adj. II. 3. Free from disturbance, molestation, or annoyance; not interfered or meddled with; left in peace.
c. The harlot, on the other hand, is loud and stubborn (Pro 7:11; Pro 9:13).
iv. Godly women in the O.T. were thus adorned virtuously, being in subjection to their own husbands (1Pe 3:5).
v. Christian women today should endeavor to be likewise (1Pe 3:6).
J. Wives should be keepers at home (Tit 2:3-5).
i. Keeper - n. 1. a. One who has charge, care, or oversight of any person or thing; a guardian, warden, custodian.
ii. They should guide the house (1Ti 5:14).
iii. Guide - v. 1. a. trans. To act as guide to; to go with or before for the purpose of leading the way: said of persons, of God, Providence, and of impersonal agents, such as stars, light, etc.
iv. The wife has the responsibility to run the affairs of the house under the authority of her husband. This would include:
a. training, educating, and disciplining the children.
b. cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and shopping for food, clothes, etc.
c. keeping a financial budget (at least for household expenses listed above).
v. This is a full time job and a very important one.
vi. This is the highest calling a woman could have.
vii. Our modern society has turned the role of a women on its head, expecting women to have fulltime careers outside the home.
a. This leads to dysfunctional families in which children are raised and trained by strangers in daycares.
b. This leads to stress between the husband and wife because the few hours they have together after work are spent trying to keep up with all the cooking and housework that were not done during the day.
c. This leads to parents not having adequate time to spend with their kids and parent-child time is replaced by TV-child time.
d. An unending plethora of after-school activities only exacerbates this problem.
e. We have not gotten to this point by accident.
2. The role and responsibilities of the husband.
A. A good wife is a blessing from God (Pro 18:22; Pro 19:14; Pro 12:4).
B. A husband should be the head and ruler of his wife and family as was shown in the section on wives.
C. Husbands are commanded to love their wives (Eph 5:25).
i. Love - v. 1. a. trans. With personal obj. or one capable of personification: To bear love to; to entertain a great affection or regard for; to hold dear.
ii. Love - n. 1. a. That disposition or state of feeling with regard to a person which (arising from recognition of attractive qualities, from instincts of natural relationship, or from sympathy) manifests itself in solicitude for the welfare of the object, and usually also in delight in his or her presence and desire for his or her approval; warm affection, attachment.
iii. Affection - II. Of the mind. 2. a. An affecting or moving of the mind in any way; a mental state brought about by any influence; an emotion or feeling. 6. a. Good disposition towards, goodwill, kind feeling, love, fondness, loving attachment.
iv. Regard - II. 5. a. Repute, account, or estimation, in which anything is held. b. of..regard, of (small, great, etc.) account, estimation, importance, or value.
v. A husband should have a great fondness for his wife.
vi. A husband should have kind and warm feelings for his wife.
vii. A husband should hold his wife dear.
viii. A husband should delight in his wife's presence.
ix. A husband should have a high estimation of his wife and consider her very important and valuable.
x. It is very important that you husbands not only feel this way toward your wives, but that you TELL THEM that you feel this way toward them.
xi. When is the last time you told your wife you loved her? Hopefully less than a day ago.
D. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it (Eph 5:25).
i. Christ loved the church with a self-sacrificing love (1Jo 3:16).
ii. So ought husbands to love their wives.
iii. Husbands should put their wives' needs above there own (and wives should do the same toward their husbands).
E. Men ought to love their wives as their own bodies (Eph 5:28,33).
i. All men love their bodies (Eph 5:28-29).
a. We all feed our bodies what tastes good.
b. We bath and perfume ourselves.
c. We all put clothes on our bodies that look and feel good.
d. We all keep the temperature of our environment at a level which feels good.
e. We buy comfortable beds to sleep in.
ii. Men should nourish and cherish their wives (Eph 5:29).
a. Nourish - III. 9. To promote or foster (a feeling, habit, condition, state of things, etc.) in or among persons.
b. Cherish - 1. trans. To hold dear, treat with tenderness and affection; to make much of. b. To make too much of, pamper, pet. c. To caress, fondle; to hug; to stroke or pat endearingly.
c. Husbands ought to promote and foster good feelings, habits, and conditions for their wives.
d. Husbands ought to treat their wives with tenderness and affection.
e. They ought to make much of them and make them feel special and loved.
f. Men ought to caress, fondle, and hug their wives.
g. Women respond to touch like men respond to sight.
F. Husbands should not be bitter against their wives (Col 3:19).
i. Bitter - 1. a. One of the elementary sensations of taste proper...obnoxious, irritating, or unfavourably stimulating to the gustatory nerve; disagreeable to the palate; having the characteristic taste of wormwood, gentian, quinine, bitter aloes, soot: the opposite of sweet; causing ‘the proper pain of taste’
6. a. Characterized by intense animosity or virulence of feeling or action; virulent.
7. Of words (or the person who utters them): Stinging, cutting, harsh, keenly or cruelly reproachful, virulent.
ii. Husbands should be sweet towards their wives and not harbor animosity toward them.
iii. Men should speak to their wives with soft words, not harsh ones.
iv. In the marriage, the wife is the weaker vessel (1Pe 3:7).
a. Women are generally not as strong and courageous as men (Isa 19:16; Jer 51:30).
b. Men need to recognize this and not despise their wives for it, but understand that that is how God made them.
c. The wife should be honored as the weaker vessel, not be the object of her husband's frustration.
d. Honor - 1. High respect, esteem, or reverence, accorded to exalted worth or rank; deferential admiration or approbation. a. As felt or entertained in the mind for some person or thing. b. As rendered or shown: The expression of high estimation.
v. Women are generally more emotional than men and tend to deal with problems as such.
vi. Men are generally more analytical and want to solve problems rather than talk about them. (Nail in the forehead story)
vii. This can be frustrating for husbands and can lead to bitterness, but it must be resisted.
G. Husbands should dwell with their wives according to knowledge (1Pe 3:7).
i. Knowledge - II. Senses derived from the verb know, in its later uses. * The fact or condition of knowing. 5. a. The fact of knowing a thing, state, etc., or (in general sense) a person; acquaintance; familiarity gained by experience.
ii. Husbands ought to know their wives.
iii. Husbands ought to be familiar with their wives by spending lots of time talking with them and doing things with them.
iv. "Dwelling with the wife according to knowledge; not according to lust, as brutes; nor according to passion, as devils; but according to knowledge, as wise and sober men, who know the word of God and their own duty." (Matthew Henry)
v. This will facilitate the husband and wife to be heirs together of the grace of life.
vi. Not doing so will hinder your prayers.
a. This shows that husbands and wives should pray together.
b. If the husband is not dwelling with his wife according to knowledge and not giving honor to her, it is easy to see how their prayers would be hindered.
c. God's ears are open to the prayers of the righteous, but His face is against them that do evil (1Pe 3:12).
d. Sometimes abstention from sex should be done so that you both can fast and pray (1Co 7:5).
H. A husband's number one priority (except for the Lord) should be his wife (1Co 7:33).
i. Kids should come second to your wives, men.
ii. Your friends, hobbies, and your career should come second to your wives.
I. A husband should provide for the sexual needs of his wife (1Co 7:3-5).
i. Remember, men, you're like a microwave, but she's like a crock pot.
ii. She's not like you; she's not usually turned on by just the sight of you in your boxers; she needs warm up time.
iii. Quickies might be alright sometimes, but for women the closeness in sex is as important as the climax.
J. Husbands ought to praise their wives when praise is earned and due (Pro 31:28).
i. Praise - II. 3. a. To tell, proclaim, or commend the worth, excellence, or merits of; to express warm approbation of, speak highly of; to laud, extol.
ii. Men ought to praise their wives both publicly and privately when appropriate.
iii. A wife ought to foremost be praised for her godliness, fear of the Lord, and her works (Pro 31:29-31).
iv. Most women love to be praised and told how much they are appreciated.
a. Thank her for each meal she prepares and tell her it was good (if it wasn't, then come up with something good to say about it which is true).
b. Tell her you appreciate all that she does around the house and with the kids.
c. Let her know that you know she works hard, though it may not be at an outside job.
v. I know of a man in another church that praises his wife often for her good character to the point that other men get sick of hearing it, but he continues to do it anyway.
vi. A wife ought also to be praised for her beauty in private such as Solomon did in the Song of Solomon (Son 4:1-7).
vii. Most women like their husbands to tell them how pretty they are.
K. A husband should never belittle or insult his wife in front of other people, or privately to another person.
L. A husband should provide for the family.
i. If he doesn't provide for his own, he is worse than an infidel (1Ti 5:8).
ii. Provide - III. 7. To equip or fit out (a person, etc.) with what is necessary for a certain purpose; to furnish or supply with something implied. In quot. 1628, to provide or furnish with a lodging.
iii. In the law of Moses, a husband was to provide for the needs of his wife, which included food, clothing, and sex (Exo 21:10-11).
iv. The N.T. shows likewise that the husband is supposed to provide for his wife's sustenance (Eph 5:28-29).
v. Nourish - II. 5. b. To sustain (a person or living organism) with food or proper nutriment.
vi. It follows that if the scripture says that wives are to be keepers at home and to guide the house, then the husband must of necessity be out in the world providing for the means of sustenance of the family.
a. Jesus taught that at His second coming women would be grinding (grain, etc. for making food) and men would be in the field (Luk 17:35-36).
b. The husband of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 was known in the gates while his wife was taking care of things at home (Pro 31:23).
1) Gate - 2. In Biblical phraseology, after Hebrew; ellipt. for gate(s) of the city as a place of judicial assembly.
2) He was not at home, but rather in the city among the elders of the land where he was providing for his family.
M. Husbands are also responsible for bringing up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4).
i. Nurture - 1. Breeding, upbringing, training, education
ii. Admonition - 1. The action of admonishing; authoritative counsel; warning, implied reproof.
iii. This means that training, education, and discipline of the children is primarily the responsibility of the husband/father. More on this in the next series...